Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
