I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
