Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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