I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
