a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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