what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
