My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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