Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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