So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
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