One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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