no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
