I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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