He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
