my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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