I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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