Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
These tits shall not be calmed
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
