all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
