I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize