I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
i out mim tonsoeep
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