I just threw up on my dentist
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
