My friends, they love my intelligence
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
