does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
