this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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