On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize