Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
