I didn't shave. On purpose
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
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