my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
