hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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