closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
