If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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