I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
