i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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