It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
