Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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