i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
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I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
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I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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