As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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