just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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