so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Watching her eat just hurts me
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Your penis caused this!
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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