I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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