trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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