Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
