i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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