Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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