her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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