Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
