my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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