remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
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