The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
