Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
