I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
