There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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