We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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