I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I have fence marks all over my body
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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