She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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