highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
