How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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