Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
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