talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
