Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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