i just sent this text using only my big toe
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize