I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
