Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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