honey bunches of taint.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
