Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
