yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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