I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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