Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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