I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
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