I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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