remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
